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Thursday, January 2, 2014

Going Against Uncertainty

Insecurity is a four-letter word.

We as women, as sisters, do all that we can to avoid it. We work out. We straighten/curl/dye our hair. We even press strands of it into aluminum foil, for crying out loud.

We post pictures of our dinner successes. We broadcast our trendiest outfits. We immortalize gifts or flowers from our man-friends.

We show how wild and exotic the single life is. With stories nights in loud bars, our hands tied to martinis and men who won't hurt us, but won't commit to us either.

We try desperately to keep up with the Kardashians. Comparing our wealth and joy to the virtual buzzing of an unreal reality.

We do this all in the name of stacking up points against insecurity. Or, as we say on the Prodigal Sister, uncertainty. We're all battling it in one way or another. And it's an easy war to get sucked into.

Am I as pretty as she is?

Does my talent stack up against the industry's?

Will this relationship fail like all the rest have?

Does my life have a purpose larger than keeping my head and finances above water from month to month?

So much of this I need to hear myself. Just the other night as I was pulling into my little Virginia Beach apartment, my phone flickered awake with a text from my aunt.

She told me she was praying for clarity for me. To which I promptly burst into tears.

Funny how she could discern my uncertain smoke signals from miles and time zones away. How she could see the pressure valve waning in my soul. How she knew that constant questions were clouding my sense of worth. And that another person's joy was another insecurity hammering into me like a railroad tie.

As I reflect on the past year, all I know is that I have spent more time questioning than praying.

I've worried more than I've trusted.

I've shouted more complaints than praises.

I've been the prodigal daughter---begging for an early inheritance from my father. Squandering away blessings and birthrights.

This blog, this ministry, is dedicated to eliminating insecurity. To end the swarm of questions we ask ourselves. To being patient while we wait for life to unfold. And to have the courage to live the way God asks us to.

To pick up our mats and walk because we have a face, a name and a calling. And we need to spend our days and thought lives as though we believe it.

 photo credit: Jakob E via photopin cc



Charity said...

Brett, this was a beautiful post! Its crazy how quickly toxic comparison can become. I know this past year as my husband and I have been trying to have a baby that I have to vigilantly guard my thought life when I go on facebook and see another friend who has had a baby. Something that has really helped me is to take a moment in my heart to rejoice with that person for their success or blessing. I always try to share a positive comment too either in person or online. I find that actively combating my own flesh by doing the exact opposite thing the enemy wants me to do - rejoicing and encouraging- breaks much of the power of comparison96.

Brett W. Tubbs said...

Charity, that's funny! I have to do the same thing with other circumstances. Where does it end? ;)

Tonya said...

Me three over guarding my heart on certain things. It can be a real battle.

I'm excited to read your blog and work on ridding insecurity. I had something new I was starting to think about, get excited about, and I final verbalized it and started taking it seriously. Then past few days bam! Insecurity has taken over big time. I know its satan, he is trying hard on this one. Because the enemy is trying so hard I feel like I have to try equally as hard to not let him get me down,

Brett W. Tubbs said...

Thanks for sharing, Tonya! The funny thing is that usually the thing we feel most insecure about are the things we should be pursuing in the first place! The devil is a liar!

Do your thing, girlfriend! And keep coming back! This blog is a community for encouragement! :)

Mae said...

This is really applicable no matter where we are in life! Thank you so much for sharing dear one!

Brett W. Tubbs said...

Thanks, Mae! I hope you'll come back and share your thoughts as we take the journey together!

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