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Friday, January 31, 2014

Five Words Every Woman Needs to Stop Saying Right Now

Super excited about January being over (seriously, how did that even happen?) because "the Little Black Dress" series may finally begin! Throughout the whole month of February, Prodigal Sis will be dialoguing about singlehood, what the Bible says about yearning, and how to not be a party pooper when it seems like everyone else is moving ahead in life. Be sure to follow me on Facebook to keep up to date!

Okay, silly disclaimer over! Now for the real readin'! ;)

Five Words Every Woman Needs to Stop Saying Right Now

Uttering these five words will make you stop short of your dreams and calling. They will cast a spell on you. They will paralyze you with doubt and with fear:

Would you judge me if?

Throughout my day-to-day, I hear this phrase a lot. In the big and the small. The general and the specific. The careless and the sacred.

Mostly from the female demographic.

Would you judge me if I had another chocolate chip cookie?

Would you judge me if I took two trips to Starbucks in one day?

Would you judge me if my house wasn't perfectly in order when you spontaneously decided to drop by?

Would you judge me if my children didn't eat a vegetable in every meal? 

What makes us so cautious about judgement from others? What is the drive that makes many of us so insecure that we are constantly fraught with the inevitable idea that someone may think wrongly of us by what we eat, how clean our homes are or how many Venti coffees we need to get through our day?

Where did we learn this? Why are we perpetually aware of how others will perceive even the slightest day-to-day actions that are, frankly, no one's business but our own?

Why do we allow ourselves to be absorbed so fully 

into this fear of meaningless judgement?

Sadly it is this way of thinking that hinders us from real relationships. From real community.

Constantly checking over our shoulders for fear of judgement on our daily tasks works against our willingness to be honest about our actual struggles.

The struggles we need real help with. The ones we seek prayer and wise counsel for. The ones that are so far beyond what we eat or how we spend our time:

Would you judge me if I told you I was struggling in my faith?

Would you judge me if I was battling remaining pure in my romantic relationship?

Would you judge me if  I was unhappy in my job?

I'm afraid that we've been too distracted by a fear of a culture that would judge us for the mundane. For the routine. For things like choosing a slice of pizza over a salad for a meal. Or loving Taylor Swift music.

To my friends who ask if I would judge them if...I say, "Nope! Go for it, girl."

Because I want them to know that coffee dates and conversations are safe with me. That I would never judge them if they only ate the icing from their cupcakes or if they still slept with a teddy bear when they were twenty-five.

Judgment, when it comes from those outside of the Ultimate Judge, is a big waste of time.

Those five words should be eliminated from our conversations. And from our thoughts.

Because on the other side of judgement is freedom. And I'm going to begin to live out my life, my calling and my friendships this way...Don't judge.

photo credit: Enthuan via photopin cc

photo credit: Khánh Hmoong via photopin cc


Lorraine said...

So true! Sometimes I say those words in a joking manner (last night
I asked the BF, "if I didn't have eyeballs, would you still date me?"), but sometimes I find myself still analyzing his answer. I shouldn't even put myself in that position--I need to find the confidence within myself!

Brett W. Tubbs said...

It's so funny the little questions that creep into our conversations. I think they hurt us more than we even really know. And it's good to remember where your confidence comes from ;)

P.S., I'd totally still be your friend if you didn't have eyeballs.

JesiRae said...

I don't even know where to begin.

I wish i could have read this at 21 - I wish I can put this on a tshirt so that my peers/friends can read this everyday and find freedom for themselves.

I just wish this message: 'Judgment, when it comes from those outside of the Ultimate Judge, is a big waste of time' TO go viral in a very real way. lol.

I think this is something close to my heart and dint realize it until just now!

Thank Brett!

Brett W. Tubbs said...

Haha, I am hoping that too, Miss JesiRae. Or at least, that the people who need to read it will. That's the whole point of the bloggity blog! :-P

Emma said...

I LOVE THIS! Thanks so much, Brett! I so totally agree. We all need to hear this and keep reminding ourselves and our friends that basing our decisions on what other people think is dumb. Because they're just people too and if we want real friends we have to really be ourselves. I catch myself trying to please people who aren't even nice to me and I know I should just be focusing on pleasing God- because with Jesus as my Savior, I can never fail Him. Do you think that's true: that a Christian can never fail God because even when we disobey Him, God just sees Jesus' goodness?

Brett W. Tubbs said...

Good question, Emma! I won't pretend to know what God sees when He looks at us. There are plenty of times in the Bible where followers have made ultimate failures for God (see the story of Moses, re: hitting the rock) or Abraham, re: starting a family of his own and beginning the political/religious unrest in the Middle East for thousands of years.

I only know that have failed God many times in my own life. But, no matter what, I know that redemption is there.

I also know that God can never fail me.

Thanks for reading!

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