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Saturday, November 19, 2011

a man worth writing for: a year of my life in letters to my future husband

It all started with a letter I wrote a few years ago to my future husband.

The idea was to write a letter, a love letter, to the man I was going to marry without having the slightest idea of who he was or how he would happen into my life. I hadn't a clue what was going on in my little heart at the time, but it was something I needed to do to prove to myself that I had faith in what God had promised me.

I had just broken up with my high school sweetheart, a phase in my life that to this day I'm not completely sure I understand, still.  All I know was that the Lord had called us apart, and I had ignored his calling for too long.

Those breakups are the worst.  The ones where everything is right and well, but you're holding each other from what you were made to do.  I was discouraged.  I had lost my best friend, and the love of my life (at that point in time, anyway) all at one crappy Fourth of July cookout.

There were two things I remembered about that day: I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly four years at my neighborhood's pool party.  To top the whole day off, there were no hot dogs to be found anywhere.

Worst. Fourth of July.  Ever.

But, I look back on those years fondly as just a fond, innocent time in my life and I am thankful and blessed by them.

It's three years later and it's quite humbling to think that I'm still waiting for a man to sweep me away as he did.  Hasn't happened yet.

And it's perfect.

Because now, I'm a fairly independent young woman living alone in Virginia Beach.  Fairly independent, because I know I truly could not function without the joy following the Lord has given me, and a family who supports and loves every breath, thought, or pursuit of my being.

I'm pursuing my dreams and my Master's degree all the while serving strangers food every night at my beautiful little fine dining restaurant.  And I'm confident that the Lord sees that it is good.

Of course, anyone who has heard the slightest whisper of how the world works will tell you that life is so not easy.  These realizations have startled me from a complacent place in my little corner of the world.

My heart has been wrecked, and left only halfway mended.  And having a glass-half full when it comes to healing is impossible.  Being only partially full leaves the remaining parts only yearning and hurting more.

Then there's this whole business of jealousy that pries its way into your life.  My Facebook feed is flooded with gorgeous engagement pictures.  You know the ones, color enhanced, the lady's left hand on the chest of her fiance.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for them all.  But, it's almost humorous how those photos of people I barely know can send me into a whirlwind of discontent and insecurity.

So, in the midst of all of this one letter written a few years ago no longer holds the promise of what my life and future holds.  Let's say, it was a step in the right direction.

I decided to chronicle a year of my life in letters to my future husband who will, of course, be the man worth waiting for.  Or, in my case, the man worth writing for.

This is what my blog will now be dedicated to.

I've thought long and hard about starting over fresh, and just beginning again.  However, I can't just dismiss the things I've written in the past.  Part of life is learning from mistakes and growing from them.  This little site has such a neat place in my heart, and I'm too sentimental to let it go.

But things are going to change around these parts for sure.

There have been so many interesting lessons learned, and crazy characters I've met along the way here, and stories too good not to share.  Sometimes I think the random tidbits and thoughts that pop up out of nowhere happen solely so that I may write them down.  And I totally do.

My little fingers are bursting on the keys - and I'm trying to hold them back as to not reveal too much at once.

Welp.  This is going to be fun.  I hope you'll read along.


1 comment

Jessica said...

This sounds like a FABulous idea for a blog :) I can't wait to read what you write to your future husband! I'm in the same season of life as you right now, waiting and trying to be patient while lots of my friends are getting engaged/married!
our time will come :)

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