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Saturday, June 11, 2011

if you and I were old friends

Hello old friend.

If the lack of my posts the last few months reflected my dedication to a friendship, we'd be in big trouble.  We would meet up in a coffee shop and the conversation would fall off every few minutes into several awkward pauses...

So...how's your mother doing?

I have a pocket full of excuses.  Mainly that my computer, Judy, has fallen ill.  I've been a bad mother and have failed to get her to the Mac store in time.  Now not only do I not have a computer, I am at risk of losing every blabbering narrative I have written this year along with several hundred dollars worth of iTunes music.  I wish I was exaggerating - that darn Glee cast is SO talented.

But you, old friend, did not come here for excuses. Truth be told, I don't know what you've come here for.  Perhaps you like to glimpse into a life of a woman who is very forward about how imperfect she is.  Maybe you laugh because these things happen to you too.  Maybe you like to drop by to distract you from your own stack of paperwork and e-mails which you - like myself - have swept under the rug. 

Or maybe you just love me and my voice mail is full and I don't return your calls, therefore by the theorem of deduction this is the only way to sustain a very one-sided relationship.

Maybe, just maybe, you come here for a little slice of hope.  I must confess: this is why I write.  I must also confess:  this is what I have been lacking.

Without going into too much detail, let's just say that in Virginia Beach I was working tirelessly to build a beautiful house made out of sand.  Just like a child, I knew that it's construction could not be permanent.  However, it was no less heartbreaking when it's quick destruction came. 

Like the song says "the rains came down and the floods came up," and my poor, beautiful little sandcastle eroded away taking a chunk of my heart with it.

For so long I simply stood still on the shore blinking at the lumpy mound of what was, and what I dreamed would be.  But now, a month later, I am able to wipe my eyes dry and chase after a more stable foundation.  One that wont be depleted by rain or waves.  One that will stand firm.

I've learned a few lessons along the way.  Lessons I hope to relay to you all here.  Now that my shore has been blessedly wiped clean and fresh, my life can begin again. 

Thanks for sticking around to discover this with me. 

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