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Monday, January 24, 2011

the king's wife

"A bell's not a bell 'til you ring it.  A song's not a song 'til you sing it.  Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.  Love isn't love 'til you give it away." 
-The Sound of Music

Pessimism has penetrated my thoughts of relationships the past couple of days.  I'm usually a look-at-the-bright-side kind of girl, but the conversations I've been having with people about their current marital status are so discouraging.

Everyone I have talked to has been cheated on.  Everyone.  Wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends.  Everyone at one point or another has been affected by betrayal in their relationships.  Even me.

So, I'm watching t.v. with one of my guy friends, and one of the characters on the show cheated on her husband.

Me: [Staring straight ahead, under my breath, to myself more than him] I could never do that...
Him: You say that now.
Me: No, I could never do that.
Him: How do you know?
Me: I just know.
Him: But, you're not married.
Me: Thanks for the reminder...
Him: I'm just saying, you don't know what it's like. 
Me: True, but -

Him: You fall into those patterns every day, you get sidetracked, get tempted...
Me: Yeah, I know, but -
Him: It happens to lots of people.

He then went on to cite Biblical examples of women who were unfaithful to their men.  Samson and Delilah, anyone? 

I told him not to worry, I wasn't going to cut his hair off. 

But, shoot.  I couldn't argue with him.  Especially when he brought the freaking Bible into the debate.  He was totally right.  Cheating happens to lots of people.  It's happened to him.  Even people like me who swear from the beginning that they will always remain faithful.  Even those who are so concerned with people-pleasing, even the most loyal of friends. 

I think this is why this movie was so refreshing.  I learned a lot about love and marriage (or just relationships in general) from the King's Speech, watching the character of the Queen.  Just watching her character.

The movie begins with her search for a speech therapist for her stuttering husband.  She knows exactly what he needs, and she humbles herself on her quest to get it.  Abandoning her cushy life in her home, she ventures into the streets, and is treated like a regular citizen. 

She meets the therapist (without giving too much away), the protagonist, and treats him as an equal - which is more than what I can say for how her husband treated him. 

Throughout the movie, she didn't once raise her voice to her husband or get frustrated and argue with him when he wanted to give up.  She stood by him and patiently waited for him to arrive to the decision to stick with his therapy on his own.

She was never ashamed of his failures.  She loved him.  She was his biggest fan, whether he delivered a perfect speech or stammered and sputtered his words in utter humiliation.

What a beautiful thing.

It made me long to love someone in that way one day.  To embody that strength, to be that support, that patient kind, and faithful love that a man, that anyone deserves.  I hope I have the capacity and the opportunity to love someone in that way. 

If you all are blessed with that opportunity, don't let it go to waste.  Be faithful. 



Alli said...

Beautiful. The fact that the divorce rate is so high now is astounding..... A few of my friends have dealt with cheating but my closest circle has generally been pretty lucky/honest with each other and none of that has happened. I'm with you 100% where I can't ever see myself cheating. If you have a person in your life who is so wonderful that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, why would you hurt them? I know that there are rough times and that things are not always easy....but marriage is a commitment and if you're not willing to stick with that then you shouldn't get married.

Sorry, I know that's a little bit of a rant. Although I don't know that I can agree with your friend. You only control yourself so if you give up yourself to temptation like that it's your choice.... I like to think we have more power over ourselves than to just give in.

I'm sure one day you will find that relationship and that you will be such a strong support and provide an outpouring of love!

Brett W. Tubbs said...

Ali, that is SO refreshing to hear!

I think my friend has just been hurt so badly in the past that he can't conceive a relationship that won't hurt him. Makes me sad.

What makes me even more sad is that he must be at least partly right. There must be some truth to it, otherwise the divorce rate wouldn't be what it is...there are people out there who sadly do make the choice to hurt their loved ones.

I can't speak for them, and I can't judge them. I don't know them or anything about relationships, really. All I know is that if I am ever blessed to be in a marriage, I'd want to be the kind of wife to my husband like the Queen was to hers, ya know?

Thank you for your kind words! I hope the same for you!

Angela said...

Hi Brett, I met you in the restuarant last night and wanted to drop a note to let you know I really did pop over to visit.

It's good to know that the temptation to cheat can befall anyone, but that doesn't mean that everyone will cheat. It's good to draw the line and never cross it, and be able to trust that our spouses will be faithful too.

Darren and I were blessed by the books His Needs/Her needs which addrsses the reasons why either spouse might be tempted to be unfaithful and how to build a marriage that makes these things non-issues.

Your prince charming is out there :).

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