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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

east or west?

"Beloved these are dangerous times, 'cause you're weightless like a leaf from the vine."
-Derek Webb, Beloved

My friend and I were sitting in his  little purple hatchback Honda in the longest drive thru line Taco Bell had ever seen.  We had just completed a midnight Walmart shopping excursion after we completed yet another long, harrowing pasta night shift at the inn.

An excursion that included me knocking several things off of their respective shelves, talking movies with strangers and checking our blood pressure (his was 117, mine was 126 - I think that's because he was really stressing me out and arguing with me over every little thing...and because I have a heart murmur).

While we were waiting for our food, he looks at me and gets all excited, wants me to hear this song.  I looked on his iPod and I see the album "Video Games Live 2" come up.  He must have seen me wrinkle my nose, because he said, "Trust me, you'll love it." 

It was a song in Swahili, and he was singing along and stomping his feet on the floorboard, keeping a rather spastic time.  I asked him if he knew what it meant, to which he replied "It's the Lord's prayer in Swahili." 

He was right.  I loved it. 

He started translating the words and told me that he had been learning Swahili.  He told me he has a passion for different languages, and then he said that he wanted to learn some crazy language of some indigenous peoples that I can't remember the name of so that he could go and spread the gospel to people who had never heard it before. 

After he disclosed this to me, I smirked at him, thinking I was something sort of clever and teased, "So, what is it?  East or West...?" 

He looked at me and said with the upmost certainty, "At the center of God's will."

At that moment, I was put into my proper place: feeling about three inches tall and not very clever at all.

How incredible to be so confident in where you are in your life.  To be so sure that everything you're doing has a distinct purpose that everything you learn and work for is purposeful. 

Half the time I don't know what I want or where I'm going.  I feel just as weightless as D. Webb is talking about.  Like I've lost my vine, my grounded-ness all of a sudden and I'm just kind of floating along.  I mean I know I'm studying broadcast journalism and have a passion for travel.  But what on EARTH am I here for? 

It gets really frustrating.  Not only to me, but to my friends as well.  I have this other friend at Regent who is studying to be a counselor.  He's constantly asking me questions.  Hard questions like,  "What do you want, what do you think?  What do you want to do?" 

To which I run my hands through my hair and hide my face in his chest and say, "I don't know." I'm sure it comes out all muffled.  I do that pretty much every time he asks me a question.

It drives him up the wall.

So, what's a girl to do?  Just hope that even though I don't know east from west, that wherever I am, I am at the center of God's will for my life.


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