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Saturday, April 3, 2010

confident expectations

"Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25

As selfish as it sounds, I am hoping against all hope for what I do not yet have.

It seems like the whole world is moving on brilliantly. My friends have plans post graduation - and I am still stuck trying to sort things out. This whole 33-days-until-graduation-thing happened so quickly. And I am definitely taking a road less traveled by than my fellow senior sistas: no ring on the left-hand finger, no full-time job position to speak of for the fall. In pursuit of a Master's degree and what, exactly, the Lord has been preparing me to do.

I am waiting (not so) patiently for the fulfillment of what I have been promised in this life.

I woke up in my beautiful, blue room in Mechanicsville, Virginia. First things first, I headed to the kitchen to brew a delicious pot of coffee - the expensive kind my parents get...not Maxwell house, which is what my budget from working at a day care allows. Then I made myself comfortable on my favorite seat in the house: the piano bench.

I was working on practicing Addison Road's "Hope Now." At the top of the page, I had scribbled ferociously (I could tell because the imprint the pen made on the page was deep), "Confident Expectation."

Waiting for something patiently just seems so out of character for me. I am not a patient person. Patience just seems so passive, again, something I am not. But when I think about patience in a "Confident Expectation" sort of way, that makes me feel as though waiting is active. I'm not idle in my confident expectations of what God has promised for my life. I am demonstrating my faith. I am gaining perseverance.

Earlier this week, I had breakfast with a friend (She just got engaged last night! Congrats, girlfriend!). We were talking about our plans for the Fall. She was talking about her difficulty in finding a job and how she has sent her resumes to different places. Jokingly she said, "What? I have to send out my resumes? They're [future employers] are not going to find me?"

This made me laugh, but it also made me think. She was being patient, while simultaneously, actively seeking a job position. She was confidently expecting a job. I have so much to learn from this.

It seems on this beautiful day that all of a sudden the world is bursting green. The grass is a deep emerald, and the trees are rustling, playing with their new leaves.

They remind me of my little brother, he's just received his very first suit. He practices putting it on, tying his blue tie in a Windsor knot in his bedroom mirror. They remind me of myself, twenty-one years-old and still twirling in my new Easter dress.

The world seemed so dead just a few days before. Finally, the season has come to fruition. That's what this confident expectation will bring forth in my life. Though nothing is settled, and I am doing things a little differently than my peers, I know that God has a plan for me, and that he will bring my life in him to a beaming and glorious completion.

"Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:6


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