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Monday, March 8, 2010

plus, I don't talk very good

"Moses said to God, 'Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them? God said to Moses, 'I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I am has sent me to you.'"
-Exodus 3;13-14

Do you ever get the feeling that God is calling you to do something remarkable? Something different? Something that only He, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, could ever dream for you? That's what I've been feeling lately.

Oh, it's not a constant feeling. I go through my manic ups and downs every day like every other woman. Some days it seems as though there couldn't possibly be anything else I'm put on this earth for but myself. The reality of being a Christ-follower in this world is that it is not easy. What is easy in my walk with the Lord is getting discouraged. What's even easier for me is to believe that there is nothing, no gift, no talent that could ever be used for the glory of God's kingdom. My failures and shortcomings far outweigh the ounce (what's smaller than an ounce?) of what I see in my very self that could ever possibly be considered or mistaken for good.

A friend and I were discussing God and our faiths the first week of school. We confessed to each other that sometimes, through the hustle and bustle, it's hard to just, as Bethany Joy Galeotti would say, "let go and believe." We were sitting outside on the JMU commons, drinking coffee (of course). She looked at me after taking a delicate sip from her mocha-choca-whatever and said, "You know, Brett, God just doesn't make sense when we don't spend time with him."

Woah. She was right. I was having difficulty trusting and believing in God, simply because I was neglecting to seek him out. I had grown distant to the wonderful ways he was moving in my life. It was like a big shot of novocaine to the face: I was completely numb to the pure essence, the grace of God.

We can't grow numb to the majesty and wonder of God. I'm reminded of Moses --- how God revealed himself to him in a physical form (burning bush in this case). We call this theophany. And, through this, Moses still has the audacity to say, "But, uh...God, you s-s-s-ure about this? 'Cause, I mean, it's a great idea, deliverin' your people and all, but, maybs you should just go ahead and, like, use somebody else. Plus, God, I don't talk very good. "


Here, God reveals to Moses who He is. He is what he is. He is everything that Moses lacks to complete this daunting task of releasing the Israelites from the bondage of the Egyptians.

My thoughts as I read this passage went something like this:

Come on, Moses. Get it together! Very little patience is rewarded to Biblical characters who see God in physical form and still doubt and fail to trust what God is calling them to do! Seriously. God, what kind of example does this really set for the rest of us, hmm?

Then the conviction came. In my church, we so eloquently say, "'Pop!' goes the Jesus." Meaning, "Crap, I was wrong."

Because how many times have I looked at the stars? How many times have I admired a flower or a sunset? How many times have I gone hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains? Still, through all of this beauty revealed to me, I have a hard time believing that God could ever use me.

The bluest sky in the world covers the town of Mechanicsville this morning. I still have the audacity to say, "But, God...I'm a salad-spiller. I'm the falls-up-the-steps girl. I'm the forget-lunch-dates and sleep-through-sorority-functions girl. I can't keep the coffee in my cup most mornings, remember? Further, God, I don't talk very good."

And, though God hasn't revealed himself to me in a burning bush lately (though, y'all will definitely be the first to know if he does) I can distinctly hear him saying, "I AM."

In other words, "Calm it down, Brett, calm it down. I know what I'm doing. Look at all I've done for you. I'm not going to leave or forget about you. You are my daughter, I love you. Remember all that I have carried you through, and look forward to the wonderful adventure I have planned for your life."

When the word has captured my heart, like this, or I've been faithful in prayer (through nothing I've done on my own) the faintest whisper of the Lord's calling will be revealed to me. This is the single, most wonderful and exciting thing to wake up and live for.

God's calling you to something pretty remarkable, too. Whether you are just now finding him, or you have grown numb in your faith to him. Think about your past week, you may have even already grasped an inkling, a taste of it without your even knowing it.

God doesn't need me to fulfill his plan. He doesn't need you either. He is. But, that's the splendor of the Lord that we serve. Even though he is, and we SO aren't, he still has a purpose. Good.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

1 comment

Brett Baker said...

mm mm mm. you are good, sister. you are wise.

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