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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

in an effort to take my own advice...

"Praise in disappointment honors God in a deep and more meaningful way than the praise without sacrifice...your praise tonight is center stage, smack dab in the middle of the spotlight, and you better believe it gets the applause of all of heaven. You go girl."
-Aunt Sissy via text

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
-James 1:12 via Bible

I never thought that I'd be romantically involved with failure. It's true. We've become so close lately, I really had no choice but to succumb to f's seductive pursuits. Trivial pursuits. It's gotten so serious that I've grown to expect him. I say things like, "probably not."

The thing is, failure, my boyfriend, is supposed to be making me better through perseverance, right? That's what the Bible says. Persevering under trial equals "mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2 - review post below). But, failure is making me bitter, not better.

Why is it so much easier to encourage and uplift other people. How is it that I've been blessed with encouragement for others, yet lack it for myself?

It's because I'm clinging on to the frumpy pink plans of my own that the mice made for me...or that I made for myself... (again, regard post below) when God wants this for me:

And, dare I say it, this:
Why, oh why am I settling for plans of my own? They are not the best. They are selfish. They are ambitious. They are full of motivation derived purely from that green gunk we nicknamed jealousy.

The truth is, they are ripping my heart apart. Sometimes I cling so persistently onto them my knuckles are white, my skin like the saggy stretched out portion of jeans where your knees go.

I need to let go. Let God take over. Let Him show me where I am to succeed for His Kingdom, and to not let my world and very being fall apart when I have a hard time building up my own.

So, I'm going to bring on the praise during the disappointment. You can bet. And I will repeat this until I turn as blue in the face as her gown: Cinderella's going to get another pretty dress!

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