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Thursday, January 14, 2010

you don't define me

"Who are you to tell me what I'm less than what I should be? Who are you? Who are you? I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do, I won't try. No, I won't try."
-Barlow Girl, Mirror

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Thank goodness for scripture such as this. After a day of complete failure, this is so reassuring. Yes. Failure is the definition of my name. If you look up "fail" in Webster's, you'll see a little 2x2 of my senior portrait. Go ahead, check it.

Today I could not get up out of bed. I got my butt kicked by a bike at the gym. I disregarded Weight Watchers and ate half a bag of strawberry Twizzlers (twists, not even pull 'n peels). I spent more money than I have. I spent it on a backpack that I bought because both of my straps broke on my book bag. Both of them. It's because of my New Oxford Study Bible (the second augmented edition). It's heavy. It broke my straps. I tied them together.

I also get discouraged when I come to the realization time and time again that it is literally impossible to make everyone happy. If I'm not pissing one person off, I'm sticking my foot in my mouth or forgetting to do something I had committed to doing...

One person, a person I am questioning my loyalty to brought this to my attention via an e-mail to another person's inbox, today. It read something like "If you had asked me to do ____ it would have gotten done weeks ago."


The thing is, this girl does not know me at all. Despite our friendship. Because our friendship is solely based on her complaints of her stress levels. And you know, her words upset me. Deeply. It literally breaks my heart when I can't be the superwoman that I need to be for all of the people who are counting on me. It really does. But, there comes a point where you have to let go.

I refuse to let my inability to have everyone's approval dictate how I feel about myself. Barlow Girl says it best when they sing "You don't define me." Despite my inadequacies, Christ is going to bring me to completion. His glory is going to shine through me. Frankly, that's all I'm interested in.

So screw you if I don't perform an extra-curricular activity over Christmas break with a vague/ambiguous due date at a time that you saw fit. I had friends to hang out with, family to love and support and places to go. I have Christ to follow.

That's right. The only definition I am looking for is the one given to me by Jesus Christ. You lose, world. You do not define me. You don't. I may have let you for a portion of an hour today, but no longer. You don't define me, you never will.

Plus, see those girls in that picture? They love me and care for me no matter the "dents in my fender" or the "rips in my jeans" (had to throw a little Francesca Battistelli in there, hello!).

Any of you all ever feel this way?

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